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..Only visions of ice will remain
The fallen ones and forgotten souls
Will rise up over the slain
(…)
And to the battle on, forever standing strong
We feel the fire power of the night warriors1

Guys, this is an absolutely rare situation for me..2

First of all, I want to apologize myself for being too late with Firefox V2 releases — I do know that time for version 2.5 is gone since many, many weeks.. And I won’t try to explain why or how this delay happened as it doesn’t change the fact that I abandoned you, the Firefox V2 users..
Instead, I’m announcing that version 2.5 will be available until New Year’s Eve!3

Secondly, I want to write about the drought I’m facing since several months now.. Actually, I’m not new to these pain-and-fun-rides..4 For me, it has always been a small time of joy and/or love, finest and greatest emotions and then pure pain, pure suffering.. But it never got me down5 — I just stayed there, held my head up high and smiled..6

But in November’s last week, there was something strange..7 I felt the pain when I hit the ground as usual, but I just couldn’t rebound afterwards.. There was so much pressure on my shoulders and the more I tried to raise again the more pressure pushed me down.. So, I started to doubt if all that shit was worth the fight, the pain, the tears and stuff like that — and I realized that I either made somebody hopping mad or just drew the shortest straw at the poll for fortune..

Not knowing how to escape that vicious circle, I was at the point that I always considered unreachable for me, because of the fire inside my soul which _never_ let me down, but permanently stung me into doing that “raise again” thing.. So this time, the inner “slavedriver” was gone and for a second or two I thought about “What might happen, if I crash into a wall with 180 kilometers per hour?” 8 — Honestly, I was done for my life and just wanted the suffering to end..

Later that day, I had a short ICQ-talk with some people I really look up to and Axel9, Cindy and Sebastian were really shocked about my thoughts and that I was so deeply down.. But especially Axel and Cindy put so much of their effort, energy and trust in me to help me where they could, so that I got the chance to break through all that bad stuff..

So, I tried to raise my head up once again and of course, as soon as I did, I snapped off – but Axel and Cindy were right there, not letting me down, but holding my head high with their pep talk and wise words.. And also Seb gave a lot of support, so that I couldn’t resist and kept trying to rebound..

Finally, I stood at my own feet again.. Still a bit shaky, but they didn’t stop supporting me and then I began to feel a new kind of power, much stronger than the old “inner fire” and also much deeper inside myself..

Now two weeks have passed, the situation isn’t really easier10 and there are still many problems to solve — but this time, things are different, because there are people around which got great ideas about how to begin and how to start solving that stuff.. And I’m really, really thankful for having them around.. You, Axel and you, Bettina and you, Cindy and also you, Seb changed my life a lot and it might be Xmas that causes these feelings inside my heart, but anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE HELP YOU GAVE ME!!


Take care,
Martin.. :)11
  1. DragonForce — Black Winter Night, my all-time favorite besides HammerFall’s Last Man Standing []
  2. So, be soft on me for this, please.. []
  3. But you all should know that this version will be the last one I’m developing as I’m already focused on Firefox V3 with a brand new look.. []
  4. Honestly, almost my whole life only consists of such rides since about 10 years now.. []
  5. No matter who, no matter what.. []
  6. Even when I was stumbling at some point, I still felt the fire inside and kept moving on.. []
  7. And I really, really mean strange.. []
  8. Yes, that’s just damn ridiculous, because I used to be the guy who helped such people so that they got back on the road again.. []
  9. Together with his mom, Bettina.. []
  10. At least not yet.. []
  11. Yes, this time only one single smiley — the lines above are just way more bleeding heart as one of the smilies I’ve got could ever express.. []

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